How to talk to someone that has mental health issues

Knowing how to initiate a conversation with someone that has a mental health issue can for some be a daunting hurdle. You might be afraid of saying the wrong thing or you might be afraid of what they might tell you. In this post I'll explore how to talk to someone suffering with a mental health issue and also what not to say.

So how do we start a conversation normally. "Hi, how are you"?. Sometimes it can be as simple as just asking them how they are and really listening to the answer. You don't have to have all the answers, just listening to them will let that person know that you are a trusted person that they can talk to.

Don't try and wait to find the "perfect" moment. There isn't such a thing. If you're in a crowded situation, for example at work, ask them if they would like to chat alone, or take a walk with you. It might be easier and feel more natural to open up if you're doing something, like walking.

It doesn't always have to be face to face either. Sometimes you may not get the opportunity to talk to them face to face. So drop them a quick text saying something like " hi, how was your day". If they don't talk to you straightaway about issues they might be having, that's OK. The important thing is that you asked them how they are and they know that you care.

If you've noticed that they've been acting differently to how they normally do, for example they've become withdrawn or not as outgoing as usual then this is OK to mention too, provided it's done in a kind and caring way. Don't say something like "you've been acting really weird lately, get a grip" This is not OK. Instead say something like "Lately you've seemed a bit quiet, is everything OK. This shows them that you care and opens the door for them to come and talk to you when they feel ready.

For good mental health conversation starters click here.

Now I'm going to talk about some Do's and Don'ts when talking to someone about their mental health.

DON'T

Call them Crazy. This a big no. We're all guilty of saying to someone' "you're crazy" or "stop acting crazy". The word crazy is a comment that, for the most time, we don't intend to harm someone else by saying. However, by calling a person that has mental health issues crazy, what we are doing is just trivialising their issue and showing we don't care. This will make it less likely that they will come and ask for help.

Say that they're fine and tell them to cheer up. Although you might think you're being helpful,this is actually a rather hurtful and insulting comment. The person on the end of this may feel criticised for feeling the way they do and may think they have done something wrong.

Say things like "What've you got to be anxious about?". This again is something that should not be said. People may appear to have a great life from the outside, however we don't really know what that person is going through. This person may have decided to tell you that they're feeling a bit anxious lately and then when they hear this reply it will make them feel guilty for feeling the way they do and will make them less likely to tell someone else about how they are feeling in the future.

DO

Listen, I mean really listen. This might seem obvious but it's not. When talking to someone with a mental health issue, really listen and show interest in what they have to say. How many times when we're talking to someone do we actually listen to what they're saying. Listen with an open mind, don't assume you know what they're going to say next and jump in and interrupt. Remember, you might be the first person they're opening up to, so give them the space to talk.

Ask questions. Asking questions shows you care and that you have been listening to what they're saying. The person you're talking to doesn't expect you to know everything about what they're going through, so asking questions is OK. Asking questions such as "That must be really hard for you?" or "how does it make you feel?" are OK because they show that you care.

Avoid comparisons. It's tempting to compare one person's situation to another, especially when we can relate to another person's experience. Steer clear of comparing their experience to someone's else's. Every person's experience is unique. On the face of it, it may seem the same but their lived experience is very different to that of someone else's. By avoiding comparisons you're showing that you really want to get to know about their condition and their experiences.

For more DO's and DONT'S when talking to someone with a mental health issue click here.

I hope this has been useful and you feel better equipped to talk to someone that has mental health issues. Take care. :-)