Self Care

Self care is really important when it comes to our mental health. We lead increasingly busy lives and it can be easy to forget to take care of ourselves, especially if we look after other people. We have all been guilty of neglecting ourselves and not looking after ourselves as much as we should do, but if we don't look after ourselves how can we be expected to look after other people and to give our best each day, whether that be at work, in a relationship or anything really? If we start by looking after ourselves we will reap the rewards in other aspects of our lives.

Self care is not selfish. When people think of self care, for some reason people think of it as being selfish, but it isn't. Self care is taking care of yourself, and that certainly isn't selfish. Yet somehow, we still manage to feel guilty about it. In a world where we are constantly busy and rushing, taking time out for yourself is necessary. So it's time to stop feeling guilty about self care and see it as a necessary requirement.

Self care tips.

Get a good night's sleep.

Good sleep is vital for our mental health. We all need it after a long day and not having enough of it could lead to both poor physical and mental health. Just like you need to re - charge a phone battery after prolonged use, you need to re -charge your brain after a long day and getting enough sleep is a great way to do this.

The national sleep foundation recommends that adults get 7 to 9 hours of sleep per night. If we don't get enough sleep we can become grumpy, irritable and short tempered. Not getting enough sleep can also impact our cognitive functioning and affect our ability to make certain decisions.

For tips on how to get a great night's sleep and on sleep hygiene click here.

Exercise

Exercise is a great way to relieve stress and feel good. When we exercise, our body releases chemicals called endorphins. Endorphins are chemicals produced by the brain to relieve stress and pain and increase happiness. That's why endorphins are also known as nature's "feel good" drug. Exercise is also a great way to boost our mental health and reduce feelings of anxiety and negative moods. It can also help us to improve our mood, and our self esteem.

There have been numerous studies done on the benefits of exercise for our mental health, if you're interested and want to read one click here. Basically the studies show that even 20 minutes of exercise a day can improve our mental heath. Even a brisk walk can improve our mental health and cognitive functioning.

Take five... or ten

Taking five or ten minutes for ourselves each day is really important. We all have busy lives though and fitting this in can be quite challenging. Whether it is first thing in the morning or at the end of the day, allow yourself some time to yourself. I'm currently trying to practice mindfulness each morning, just for a few minutes. So far I've only managed it twice, but I have felt the benefits of it, it's a nice start to my day and puts me in a good mind set. I'm aiming to do this every day.

It doesn't have to be mindfulness it can be anything, provided we allow ourselves to be still for a few moments.

Stay connected

Reach out to a friend. Now more than ever it's important to stay connected with each other. Having a chat with your best friend or talking to a family member can really improve your mood and make you forget about your worries for a while and it's something to look forward to. We often say that we're too busy to make time for our friends but talking to someone can boost our mood and generally make us happy. By talking to our friends we can also reduce our anxiety and stress and feel accepted.

I always feel better after a good chat to a friend, it makes me feel more positive about things when I've had a bad day and generally improves my mood. So pick up that phone or more in keeping with the times, get on a zoom call!

Learn to say No.

Perhaps the most difficult one but probably the most necessary. We all feel guilty about saying no to people. If you say no to someone you're not seen as a team player, you're seen as someone that shirks responsibilities. Saying no though, is necessary sometimes. It can be hard to say no though, I have been guilty in the past of taking on too much and not saying no, I still struggle with it now, although I think I'm getting better at it. What happened to me though when I kept saying yes? My work load piled up and eventually I had to be signed off at work for two weeks due to stress.

If I had said "no I can't do this task" or "this is too much", I would have taken care of myself and been able to work more effectively by prioritising what was important for me. I didn't do this though and instead I suffered burnout and stress and my anxiety levels went up.

Saying no is an act of self care because you are focusing on yourself and your own needs. Saying no also helps you create and maintain healthy boundaries and tells people that you will help but not at expense to yourself. Steve Jobs once said "It's only by saying "no" that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.

This list is not exhaustive but I just wanted to give you an introduction to self care and give you some practical things you can start doing. For more self care tips click here.

"It is so important to take time for yourself and find clarity. The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself." - Diane Von Furstenburg

Take care and stay safe.

How to talk to someone about your mental health.

Talking to someone about your own mental health issues can be quite a scary thing to do and there might be a lot of reasons about why a person wouldn't want to talk to someone. For example, they may get dismissed as being silly and told that their problems are not that "big of a deal". They may fear that they will be judged and treated differently or they may think that they're weak in some way. These are just some of the reasons why people may not want to talk, but in reality there can be a lot of reasons.

Now, imagine being Asian and having to try and talk about mental health issues. In Asian culture talking about mental health is, well, it just isn't discussed. The topic of mental health is still seen as a taboo subject. How is it in 2020 that mental health in Asian society is seen as a taboo subject? In other cultures, great strides have been taken in talking about mental health but in the Asian culture we seem to have gone backwards.

There are a number of challenges Asians face in talking about their mental health. One challenge is that if you talk about it or get help in some way you're bringing shame upon your family and that you're ungrateful and that you may be seen in a very negative light.

In 2018 the Live Laugh Love Foundation (TLLLF) commissioned a report to see how Indians perceive mental health. A number of derogatory terms were used to describe people with a mental illness such as "retard" and "crazy". The survey also asked about people about their attitudes towards mental illness and 68% reported that people with mental health illnesses should not be given any responsibility while 60% said that one of the main causes of mental illness is the lack of self - discipline and willpower. The full study can be viewed here. This is also true of other Asian cultures as well, for example in Pakistan suicide is illegal and people with mental illness are thought to be aggressive and violent.

It's easy to see why people from Asian backgrounds may struggle to open up about having a mental health issue. If they are going to be ridiculed and treated like a criminal it's understandable that they might not feel confident in talking about it. These attitudes have to be eradicated though and the only way to do this is by talking.

If you've never talked about mental health with your family, you don't have to do it all at once. Start small and keep it simple and hopefully others will be encouraged to open up. For example you can comment on an article on mental health you may have read or seen on the news and use that as an opportunity to start a conversation. For example you may ask your family something like "What do you think about this?" or "What are your experiences on this topic?". There are also television series that talk about mental health and watching these shows can also be a good way to bring up the topic of mental health.

It can be quite an emotionally draining process trying to tell your family that you have a mental health issue and as we've discussed,this stems from a lack of knowledge and attitudes surrounding mental health. Knowledge is power though. Arm yourself with information about your situation and talk to your family about it. If they are aware and have knowledge about the issue then their attitude might change. They might not be able to help, but at least they are informed and might feel comfortable talking about it. Knowledge can also help to dispel the stigma and attitudes surrounding mental health.

It's vitally important for Asian families to start talking about mental health. We need to end the stigma associated with mental health. By having conversations we can begin to end it. It doesn't have to be conversation that lasts long to begin with, Asian families may not be comfortable talking about these things and that's OK. Just small, baby steps are OK to begin with, but we have to start a conversation at some point.

Stay safe.

"Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but stigma and bias shame us all." - Bill Clinton

How to talk to someone that has mental health issues

Knowing how to initiate a conversation with someone that has a mental health issue can for some be a daunting hurdle. You might be afraid of saying the wrong thing or you might be afraid of what they might tell you. In this post I'll explore how to talk to someone suffering with a mental health issue and also what not to say.

So how do we start a conversation normally. "Hi, how are you"?. Sometimes it can be as simple as just asking them how they are and really listening to the answer. You don't have to have all the answers, just listening to them will let that person know that you are a trusted person that they can talk to.

Don't try and wait to find the "perfect" moment. There isn't such a thing. If you're in a crowded situation, for example at work, ask them if they would like to chat alone, or take a walk with you. It might be easier and feel more natural to open up if you're doing something, like walking.

It doesn't always have to be face to face either. Sometimes you may not get the opportunity to talk to them face to face. So drop them a quick text saying something like " hi, how was your day". If they don't talk to you straightaway about issues they might be having, that's OK. The important thing is that you asked them how they are and they know that you care.

If you've noticed that they've been acting differently to how they normally do, for example they've become withdrawn or not as outgoing as usual then this is OK to mention too, provided it's done in a kind and caring way. Don't say something like "you've been acting really weird lately, get a grip" This is not OK. Instead say something like "Lately you've seemed a bit quiet, is everything OK. This shows them that you care and opens the door for them to come and talk to you when they feel ready.

For good mental health conversation starters click here.

Now I'm going to talk about some Do's and Don'ts when talking to someone about their mental health.

DON'T

Call them Crazy. This a big no. We're all guilty of saying to someone' "you're crazy" or "stop acting crazy". The word crazy is a comment that, for the most time, we don't intend to harm someone else by saying. However, by calling a person that has mental health issues crazy, what we are doing is just trivialising their issue and showing we don't care. This will make it less likely that they will come and ask for help.

Say that they're fine and tell them to cheer up. Although you might think you're being helpful,this is actually a rather hurtful and insulting comment. The person on the end of this may feel criticised for feeling the way they do and may think they have done something wrong.

Say things like "What've you got to be anxious about?". This again is something that should not be said. People may appear to have a great life from the outside, however we don't really know what that person is going through. This person may have decided to tell you that they're feeling a bit anxious lately and then when they hear this reply it will make them feel guilty for feeling the way they do and will make them less likely to tell someone else about how they are feeling in the future.

DO

Listen, I mean really listen. This might seem obvious but it's not. When talking to someone with a mental health issue, really listen and show interest in what they have to say. How many times when we're talking to someone do we actually listen to what they're saying. Listen with an open mind, don't assume you know what they're going to say next and jump in and interrupt. Remember, you might be the first person they're opening up to, so give them the space to talk.

Ask questions. Asking questions shows you care and that you have been listening to what they're saying. The person you're talking to doesn't expect you to know everything about what they're going through, so asking questions is OK. Asking questions such as "That must be really hard for you?" or "how does it make you feel?" are OK because they show that you care.

Avoid comparisons. It's tempting to compare one person's situation to another, especially when we can relate to another person's experience. Steer clear of comparing their experience to someone's else's. Every person's experience is unique. On the face of it, it may seem the same but their lived experience is very different to that of someone else's. By avoiding comparisons you're showing that you really want to get to know about their condition and their experiences.

For more DO's and DONT'S when talking to someone with a mental health issue click here.

I hope this has been useful and you feel better equipped to talk to someone that has mental health issues. Take care. :-)